An Imperfect Soul, Desperately Chasing After The Perfect Heart Of Jesus! The purpose of my blog is to encourage a sincere and intentional relationship with Jesus! To heal and remind women of who God says WE are! To walk boldly and confidently in our identity in him, and his unconditional love for us! You are enough! You are NEEDED!
Because He got up… chains are broken, hidden voices are found. Life has meaning, to slavery we are no longer bound. Because He got up… sweet whispers of prayers are heard and answered. Silent tears are loud, acknowledged and wiped. Scarred souls are being healed and given rest. Because He got up… the homeless are sheltered in his arms, the hungry have enough to feed his fellow man, the blind see farther and deeper than he could imagine, the poor sits on riches that can never be taken away.
Because He got up… there’s a reason to live, a reason to press through and help to forgive. Because He got up… I have found my voice, I found my worth when he became my choice.
I’m so glad he got up, my passions got renewed, I start living out my dreams because by him I’m being used. We all have our stories, our own testimonies to share, of how we have and will make it… because He is here!
There are some things in your life you’ve been asking me to take away so you can be free and carry on with life unbothered. These are some of the things my servant Paul struggled with, but it never stopped him from serving me, living and accomplishing great things- through my spirit! You keep forgetting that you operate through my spirit not by your might or power and so, often you feel drained and inadequate because you believe in yourself, human ‘power’ rather than me and my power! I called you to be my vessel for me to work through, a witness to carry testimonies.
You yearn for a problem-free life so you can cruise through easily but challenges build your faith and character, it shows you your strengths and even more beautiful it keeps you closer to me. It teaches you new ways to pray and to care for your neighbors.
I let Paul stayed with that thorn to show him that he is still worthy and complete before me! That he still matters regardless of what others have to say and despite his situations, that I still love him without end! To teach him to love and accept himself and others as is! To show him that no amount of mistakes or setbacks could keep him from fulfilling my purpose. That he is limitless with me and nothing can stop him from reaching higher places; no sicknesses, deformities, flaws, imperfections, strongholds.
I let him stay with that thorn to show him that I am his strength, his joy, his peace! All that he needs is within me! That he should not lean on his own understanding! I am God, and I can do all things!I allowed Paul to stay with his thorn to be an example to you and just as my grace brought him through to be the radical son and servant he was, I will be the same with you! So take pleasure in your thorns, your weaknesses because when you are weak, then you are strong.
Come to me this day in whatever state you are. You don’t have to finish up what you’re doing, drop everything and come. Bring your case to me, let’s talk. I see you trying to keep yourself occupied so you won’t have to face how you deeply feel but I know your needs, I want to restore you to the position I had in mind when I created you. You no longer have to stand behind the weight of your burdens.
My child, I’m not the God your eyes see when you’re lost or hurting. The God you learned about through your own experiences, embedded thoughts, and beliefs or from the world. You’ve placed me in a box for too long and this same box is hindering you and preventing me from showing out.
Listen attentively; you’re not in trouble for straying. I expect you to stray, you’re human, and this world is wired with distractions of all kinds. But don’t feel guilty or stay away fearing I’m upset with you, I await you with open arms and clean robe. You’re not used to this kind of love and life. It’s strange to you, which, can leave you feeling unworthy. But you are precious to me and I take pleasure in all I do for you.
You don’t have to hide behind clothes you’ve made for yourself; YOUR stone thoughts, ideas, ways, beliefs. I designed you to be naked and unashamed before me, for us to fellowship that way. Your clothes, your walls are separating us, drop them so we can talk, please. My thoughts about you are nothing short of beauty, I want to instill them into your heart and strengthen you on your journey. Remember, the enemy prowls around looking for who he can devour, and I say it’s NOT you, I extend my hand to you this day, take it, you don’t have to be scared. I won’t be angry.
When was the last time you… Ate a meal without any distractions at all, focusing on the tastes, smells, sounds, and textures of your food? Took a shower enjoying the connection the water makes with your body? Went for a walk inhaling deeply the fresh air that surrounds and sustains us, admiring the beauty of the colored leaves falling from the trees and settling at your feet? When was the last time you woke up and just lay in bed for 5 mins listening in silence allowing your thoughts to float on by? Spent quality time with a loved one catching up focusing on each other attentively? Turned your phone off and enjoy some alone time by yourself, with your spouse or kids? When was the last time you sat for a minute or two doing nothing, thinking about nothing, just relaxing…unbothered by anything? When was the last time you really paid attention to yourself, your needs whether it be self-reflection, self-evaluation or detoxifying negativity from your mind or space?
We live in a world, in a time where everything is moving fast, our busyness forces us to lose sight of the beauty of life and all that’s around us. We get so absorbed in making sure to get things done that we forget about the person getting them done. Remember this truth- “we are in the world but not of it” we do not have to move with the speed of the world because Jesus holds our times and I believe that time complies with us as we decide to take a break from our busy schedules. God understands and supports rest! “Rest is a weapon given to us by God, the enemy hates it because he wants YOU stressed and occupied.” Understand this, we are in a better position to hear from God when our minds and hearts are at peace, souls are at rest. We also communicate better with others and take better care of ourselves being in and operating from a calm and relaxed state. Don’t feel guilty for prioritizing time for yourself. After all, you cannot pour into others if you’re empty! I’m so excited about how much clearer you will begin to hear from God, how less clogged/ occupied you will be and how you will be glowing by slowing down, walking in your blessed life and really enjoying the little details that make life so worth living!! Yay!
PRAYER
Lord, thank you for this beautiful life, I ask that you teach me to enjoy it to the fullest! Help me to slow down so I can hear from you better, see you in things around me I’ve never seen before, speak with you in ways I’ve never spoken before and appreciate the little things that add moments to my life. Help me to make myself, your vessel a priority to be rested and remain in peace. In Jesus name, Amen!
2017 -2018 was a sweet- bittersweet year for me. I got married April 2017 and within months I got divorced. I lost a companion-a great man! A home-Peace of mind, I got rejected, if I can be transparent, mentally,I struggled with where I was and who I truly am. I had to fight through the enemies’s lies of my situation as it did not define me, it wasn’t my final destination because God was not done with me! So mentally I had also engaged in a battle… I knew without doubt that it was Jesus holding me up and bringing me through the storm. On days when I was so weak and tired and all I wanted to do was cry and cry and cry some more, I found myself thanking him for being the one holding me and not the other way around. I invited him in my sad/ depressed days even more to be my strength, minister to me and keep me company and within days, sometimes hours his joy, peace and contentment made their way back to my soul! As time went by, He started healing my heart, my emotions, to the point where all I wanted was him and more of him. The more healed I became the more my hunger for Jesus expanded and the more he was filling me! I began seeing more of who I am, who he says I am, the beauty in my flaws… I realized the void I felt even during my marriage as Jesus kept tugging at my heart, was now filled. He needed me a little closer and there were areas that needed to be exposed, fears that needed to be faced and conquered and layers that needed to be peeled in order to move on to the next level and truthfully, I was comfortable in my marriage, I knew I wanted more for us, for me, to do more, to be more, Jesus was calling me higher but I got comfortable!
I could’ve lost my mind! But my storm has passed for the most part and now I’m entering a better season, my Canaan. During my isolation season, we got so much closer, he showed me walls I didn’t know I had up and took them down, I learnt what it was really like to be completely naked and vulnerable before him, my faith, trust and belief grew so much stronger! My prayer life increased, praising him got sweeter and much more intimate. I definitely saw the double portion he promised me as stated in the book of Job.
I want to encourage the divorced, first, hope for reconciliation, pray for your prodigal spouse and have faith! Let God be your focus and rest in him, its hard but know that he is closer to you than you can ever imagine. And if it does not work in your favor, still rest in him, watch him heal your broken heart and turn things around for your good.Whatever storms you are going through, it’s important to remember that it is God who holds your hand through it, not YOU really that’s holding on to his hands so just let him carry you through them, it’ll pass. There are so much to learn during these times so instead of struggling so much, relax, be still, let him navigate! You’ll be fine 😊
How often do you really sit down and meditate on how far God has brought you from? Take a trip down memory lane with me, will you? We don’t always get it right and each time we mess up, God is always there and has already strategically planted people, places and little signs to get us back on the right path. During these times he still provides for us, protects us, sees us, guides us, speaks to us. Really zoom in for a second, when you pray for something or someone, how long did it take for your prayers to be answered?
It’s not very easy for us to still feel loved by God when our world has crumbled or we are in a messy state, actually the first person we blame is God!
Isn’t that something? When if only we spare some quality time by ourselves with him, get in the spirit and out of our flesh and really pay attention we will see how this, our God plan our days ahead of time while we sleep, lovingly placing little treasures for us to find and hoping a smile will crack on our faces when we do. Create detours because our hardheaded self choose the wrong way. We stray so many times but he keeps leaving the other 99 sheep and come looking for us! Forgive us, wash us clean and make us a new person every morning- for our sake just so WE can come boldly before him and still be blessed by him. That’s love! That is love!! Do you know how blessed you truly are??? Do you?!
Love, this world is laced with distractions and problems that help take our eyes off Jesus, how faithful and loving and kind and understanding he really is! We often fix our gaze on our issues and truthfully, it’s our norm, but then, we open doors for anxiety and fear to creep in, other voices to minister to us leading us into deep dark places covering our ears and eyes from remembering what he’s done for us and who he is to us. Think back on a time when there’s no doubt in your mind that it was Jesus, he did it- I know you have a time- let sweet tears gush from your eyes and sweet praise flow from your heart as you pour out at our beautiful savior’s feet. Bathe him in your thanks and adoration, oh how he deserves it! Oh, how awesome our God is! How mighty yet so meek, so humble he is!
PRAYER
Oh God, we praise your name, we bless your name, we raise our hands to you, we bow before you! We say thank you for being our God and creating us your people to experience a life with you, clothed in your love! Thank you for your company! Thank you for being here! In Jesus Name, Amen!
Meditation: Heb 4:16 Eph 3:12 Lam 3:22-23 Matt 18:12-14
I’ve been so hard on myself trying to, and making sure I acknowledge and live my perfect imperfect version of a long full life, that I didn’t realize I had started living it! It’s a life where I wake up daily feeling complete/ whole knowing who I am and being deep in love with my God! I can slow down, smell the roses and everything else the wind blows my way. I laugh out loud at jokes or watching comedies and take deep breaths without feeling the knot in my stomach or chest area. I sit in silence reflecting on my childhood, the person my experiences shaped me in becoming or just listening to my inner wisdom speak incredible truths to me. I’d brainstorm making sure I always think positive, speak positive, be obedient to God’s word and sensitive to his voice and nudges, pressuring myself that I didn’t acknowledge the fact that I had sincerely devoted my life to him and if he tells me to let go, to be still, to step out, to speak, to write I was already doing so, it was just not “perfect” to my flesh! I will never be enough to FLESH! I grew to realize that being human, I will have negative thoughts cross my mind but as long as I do not feed it, I’m alright. I sit in nature and let the sweet chirping of birds serenade me or the rushing sounds of water, the soothing melody of the rain capturing the light ray in every drop. I let the wind dance on my skin while I relax unbothered.
Living a long full life does not mean I won’t have any problems but I have the greatest hands to hold, holding me tightly in return and that gives my soul perfect rest! I vent to him. He sees all that I do, wherever I go and reminds me of who he calls me to be.
I’m very open to constructive criticism then run with the good and put it to use BUT I’m not bound by the expectations of others, neither do I seek their approval. There are days, sometimes weeks where I’m lost, standing in a dark hole filled with confusion, chaos from outside voices, days I fight (pray and speaking life and God’s promises over myself) and days I just lay there with no desire to open my mouth but even those days are beautiful because my Savior never leaves me there! I love to blog/ write, It’s my passion and an outlet to express myself, share my testimonies and to encourage others- I had started living my dream but missed out because I was chasing an idea of what I thought a long full life looks like. There are so much more I’m aiming for, I’m not fully where I want to be but I’m content with where I am and in excitement I look forward to what’s coming my way.
And so I’ve learnt overall that it is indeed, in the soft whisper I’ll find him, joy, peace, fulfillment and enjoy my version of a long full life, not (only) in the raging windstorm, the scorching fire or the loud earthquake. ( 1 Kings 19: 11-12)
What about you? Are you busy chasing an idea of something, a perfect life, a perfect relationship, that “perfect walk” with God that you aren’t acknowledging where you are right now, slowing down and living in the moment, appreciating yourself and the people in your life that is sincere? What has clouded your mind from seeing that you too are indeed enjoying life and doing what you love?
I love music!!! I love nature! I love art! The lord speaks to me through music in the most gentle yet profounding way! Whenever I’m approaching new seasons in my life I often ask him to give me new songs that speak to me, new songs that take me to a higher place of praise and worship. I notice something different though, when certain songs would get stuck in my spirit, immediately I’d understand why, sometimes, it took days to realize that particular song is speaking to my now! He would lead me to songs that allow me to zoom in on where I am with myself personally, in life, in our walk, the growth that had taken place from my past season that I’m seeing fruit in my current season. And, as I listen and listen and meditate and meditate I start basking in the light that wow! This song is really talking about me right now, this is so me! It tells me point blank that this is whats going on!
In that (those) emotional moment (s) I feel so blessed, so loved, so deeply favored that he took his time to gently but in a profound way run that by me. To let me know I’m on his mind, he sees me and this is where I am. He encourages me softly to keep going. He notices the progress I’ve made and is making. How can I not love him?? How can I not pour out my praise on him?? How can I not bawl when I fall on my knees wishing I could just explode and dissolve into him?! As I get lost in that song, stuck on replay meditating on the words, line by line, taken to a serene mental state, that’s a way to express gratitude to him! To acknowledge him! Thanking him for where he’s brought me! Where my struggles, my pain, my brokenness, the lies I fought through, the betrayal I faced, the torment I endured and the fear I overcame…this place, this season is where it brought me! A stronger woman! A woman of increased faith, increased praise! A woman of deep trust, a woman of understanding and deep compassion for others! An overcomer! A woman ready to go through some more but hoping I’m given a little break to rest- just a little break Jesus lemme catch my breath 🤣. A woman who knows her God on a higher level! Walking side by side in a more loving way… A fearless woman with her Jehovah Nissi by her side ready to conquer whatever comes her way. A woman who learned to rest in her savior’s arms telling him her troubles, relieving herself and being refilled with his peace and approval. A woman who’s In love with how naked and unashamed she feels as she shares her heart with him. A woman who is free in him, free from the expectations of others, the pressures of society. A woman who loves and respects herself, needs only his approval. A woman who understands that she will never be enough to human/ flesh but is enough on her own and in his eyes. A woman who has learned the beauty in loving others freely and genuinely. A woman who keeps making mistakes but gets up and try again. A woman wrapped up, tangled up in his love for her, who sleeps peacefully when she lays her head on her pillow imagining him sitting right by her bedside protecting her, smiling as he watches her doze off. A woman who realizes her soul is truly at rest and has deep joy when she’s not over thinking!
What do you love? In what way does God speak or comfort you through the things you love that you cant help but love him so very much deeper?
