Sometimes we find ourselves in situations and relationships that are draining, difficult, disappointing, heartbreaking, and causes us to lose ourselves or almost. We know we should let it go, it hurts like crazy, the pressure is on from the ones around us who love us and does want the best for us. Still, it’s so much easier for them to say ”just let it go, it’s done, its over, nothing is left there for you, move on, it’s only hurting you, ” which, is dismissing your feelings…but they aren’t the one with the emotions. They aren’t / weren’t the ones in the relationship/ situation. They aren’t the ones still in love, sad, confused, and maybe deep down, still hoping… It doesn’t mean you don’t know what’s best; it’s just hard to do right now, and it’s okay.
You have to understand and be okay with where you are ’right now.’
Others can’t do that for you. It’s okay to ’KNOW’ what needs to be done but not have enough strength or willpower to act right away. (I know this sounds unorthodox or what society might not support but listen to your inner, majority of the time, it does not agree with society, and it’s so calming) It doesn’t mean you won’t do what’s necessary…. Until then, God is there with you in your pain covering you, protecting your mind as he is healing your heart. (Isaiah 43:2)
My grandmother always says,” it may be long, but not forever.” You’re going to be okay, love. You are okay! You just took a turn that is slowing you down and breaking your focus for a short time. Be patient with yourself. I know it hurts, but don’t rush trying to feel better. And try not to be angry with the ones around you who mostly encourages you to ’cope’ or are trying to fix your current feeling (s). They are just trying to help the best way they know-how. These are not bad advice. However, they force you to bury or push important emotions on the back burner that might later resurface again. It’s better to face and deal with them now.
Here is the thing though, the hardest part is ‘wanting’ to let go. Sometimes, we don’t want to let go because we think we might not find another (like them), it’s just too painful to even think of letting go- the texts, calls, hang out, your thoughts, their appearances, the dates, etc. It’s just too much. Finding another job, how long will it take, the idea of not having one…
But love, when the time is right, you will without much struggle. Say just how you feel to Jesus, be honest and transparent with him.
Mine went along the lines of ”Lord; it’s hard; it hurts… A lot. I know it’s best to walk away, but I don’t have the energy to do so right now, and I’m not even sure I want to. I love him, Lord. I still do. But I’m saying yes to being healed. I want my heart mended. I want to move on from here. I know you can and will help me, so I depend on you despite my feelings.”
Whenever thoughts of him came up, I’d acknowledge them while giving them to the Lord. As days progressed, knowing I might not get a text or call, I’d tell him how I feel and ask him for strength to get through that day… And, if he does reach out, I’d ask God to guard my heart, thoughts, and conversation, should there be any (you decide). Over the next few weeks, slowly, my emotions faded… I didn’t even notice until one day as I scrolled through my phone, I came across his pic, and the pain I once felt wasn’t as impactful!
We’ve all been down this road (countless times) where our hearts had been shattered. For me, the thought of letting go hurt even more than the heartbreak, sometimes. I’d be letting go of us. Thoughts of us, kept me company, but I also couldn’t stand that we were no longer talking.
I learned to pour my heart out, my raw emotions to Jesus as a daughter being completely vulnerable before her father. A father filled with love and compassion. A listening ear ready to soothe and not judge.
I know he could make my emotions fade; I know he could make me want to walk away as if it were my initial desire. I know he could have me back to robust functionality in no time. I know as I healed, though thoughts of that person come up, it wouldn’t hurt as before. I know all I had to do was surrender and let him take over. But I also know it wouldn’t be easy or comfortable to decide.
You’re walking away for good. So, it’s okay to take it slow, but I encourage you to invite Jesus in every moment while you cry or think. Phil 2:13 is one of my best friends during like these… ”For God is working in you, giving you the desire and the power to do what pleases him.” Gosh! He is going to do all the work when we are too tired, hurt, and weak to do what has to be done. I just love how he loves!
Yahweh, you are amazing! Oh, we just adore you so very much! There never has and will never be a love like yours. Thank you for your incredible love and grace. You are a wonder Lord, and we love to gaze upon you, ponder about how good you are! Whew, I had to get that out y’all. He is so good… So so good! And I love him so much!!
Dear ones who love us, we would like you to know that when we share what we are going through, we would love for you to listen with empathy instead of dismissing our feelings by saying ”don’t feel bad, it will be okay, let go and move on…” We want you to be present with us, listen to us, cry with us- just be here, fully.
No, we are not weak; neither do we insist on being in the emotional, mental even physical state we are at the moment and burden you, but this is exactly what is it IN THE MOMENT… A season, an experience that too will pass. And, a lesson that might be in the process that we all can hopefully learn and benefit from.