I’ve been so hard on myself trying to, and making sure I acknowledge and live my perfect imperfect version of a long full life, that I didn’t realize I had started living it! It’s a life where I wake up daily feeling complete/ whole knowing who I am and being deep in love with my God! I can slow down, smell the roses and everything else the wind blows my way. I laugh out loud at jokes or watching comedies and take deep breaths without feeling the knot in my stomach or chest area. I sit in silence reflecting on my childhood, the person my experiences shaped me in becoming or just listening to my inner wisdom speak incredible truths to me. I’d brainstorm making sure I always think positive, speak positive, be obedient to God’s word and sensitive to his voice and nudges, pressuring myself that I didn’t acknowledge the fact that I had sincerely devoted my life to him and if he tells me to let go, to be still, to step out, to speak, to write I was already doing so, it was just not “perfect” to my flesh! I will never be enough to FLESH! I grew to realize that being human, I will have negative thoughts cross my mind but as long as I do not feed it, I’m alright. I sit in nature and let the sweet chirping of birds serenade me or the rushing sounds of water, the soothing melody of the rain capturing the light ray in every drop. I let the wind dance on my skin while I relax unbothered.
Living a long full life does not mean I won’t have any problems but I have the greatest hands to hold, holding me tightly in return and that gives my soul perfect rest! I vent to him. He sees all that I do, wherever I go and reminds me of who he calls me to be.
I’m very open to constructive criticism then run with the good and put it to use BUT I’m not bound by the expectations of others, neither do I seek their approval. There are days, sometimes weeks where I’m lost, standing in a dark hole filled with confusion, chaos from outside voices, days I fight (pray and speaking life and God’s promises over myself) and days I just lay there with no desire to open my mouth but even those days are beautiful because my Savior never leaves me there! I love to blog/ write, It’s my passion and an outlet to express myself, share my testimonies and to encourage others- I had started living my dream but missed out because I was chasing an idea of what I thought a long full life looks like. There are so much more I’m aiming for, I’m not fully where I want to be but I’m content with where I am and in excitement I look forward to what’s coming my way.
And so I’ve learnt overall that it is indeed, in the soft whisper I’ll find him, joy, peace, fulfillment and enjoy my version of a long full life, not (only) in the raging windstorm, the scorching fire or the loud earthquake. ( 1 Kings 19: 11-12)
What about you? Are you busy chasing an idea of something, a perfect life, a perfect relationship, that “perfect walk” with God that you aren’t acknowledging where you are right now, slowing down and living in the moment, appreciating yourself and the people in your life that is sincere? What has clouded your mind from seeing that you too are indeed enjoying life and doing what you love?