Prayer Heals… God Heals…

I suffered depression for over five years, cried myself to sleep many nights, felt sad, tired, and defeated most of the time. Some days it was so hard to get out of bed, go to work or just show up/ exist for the day. Not many understood my pain or would understand even if I explained as not everyone is open to the fact that mental illness is a thing. Also, you have to experience it to truly know what it’s like.

Introverts, as some of you know, enjoy being by themselves. It’s not that we don’t like the company of others. But during this time, I didn’t want to be around anyone- at all!
I even contemplated suicide.
Excitement wasn’t a thing or a word in my vocabulary! It’s almost like a heavy dark cloud followed me around all the time. My body/ shoulders were always tensed, and I viewed most of my emotions in a harmful and unhealthy way, even when they were healthy and okay as a being.

I struggled to find joy and peace. As a lover of nature, being outside helped me but to a small extent and a small amount of time.

I remember crying out to God many times, after forming a relationship with him- that he helped me created- that I was unhappy, drained, heavy, and exhausted 99 percent of the time. I wanted control of my mind back. I needed inner peace, joy, calm, etc. I was tired of being depressed and wanting to give up.
While I was encouraging everyone else through writing (and my blog), praying for, and with everyone else, I was secretly drowning in tears and pain. Still, I depended on him to rescue me even when it seemed nothing was happening. 😢

Last year (as I did the year before) I asked Him for a mindblowing birthday gift (yes, I’m particular and open with him and what I desire, he’s literally the best friend and spiritual father I could ever ask for). It was the week of my birthday; while talking with someone about struggles, with anxiety and depression, I noticed that something was different. I no longer resonated with “depression” it was as if it no longer existed in my life.
I realized then that I had been entirely healed of depression!!! You can imagine my emotion… I cried so hard sitting in the parking lot of my sister’s empty car. I was overwhelmed with many different emotions; shocked, joyful, surprised, and in awe.

My hope, joy, and peace were restored.
Inner healing in other areas had begun.

God is so faithful and wants to help us more than we can imagine and understand.
I called on him when I was in a challenging place. He heard and answered me. Today, though I still struggle with anxiety, I don’t worry because that too shall pass.

Whatever your struggles are, God can and will help you. Cry if you have to, vent when you feel like but don’t dismiss your emotions. They are apart of you! He will come to your rescue. It may take a while but don’t give up. Invite him in your present situations. He initiates a relationship with us, we need only to be open and receptive.
Prayer changes things!

Don’t be ashamed about your struggles love, it might be what someone else is waiting to hear, and know that they aren’t alone.

You Can’t Worry Yourself Into Peace…

Are you someone that worries you’re not doing enough, not good enough, or feel lazy if you’re not productive, wait for it- ALL THE TIME!
You feel better about yourself when you’ve accomplished or when you are accomplishing tasks.

Firstly, you ARE enough, and your performance does not determine your existence. You can’t and shouldn’t have to “do” your way unto bring approved by others! Others shouldn’t have to accept or approve of you only when or due to what you can do. That isn’t love!
You are created in love! God created you in love!! My dad always tells me that I was conceived in love!

Secondly, YOU ARE NOT LAZY!!
We are all created with a purpose, and that purpose will be known to us all, and we will fulfill what we are made to do. But if God gives us this purpose, it means it is divine, and we have to wait and allow him to birth this purpose. “Not by might nor by power but by my spirit, “ says the Lord- Zech 4:6.
“for it is God who works in you to will and to act in order to fulfill his good purpose.” Phil 2:13

You are being stirred, something is in you that has to come out, but you can’t force it out on your own. Yes, you might feel a bit uncomfortable, but pregnant women go through different trimesters, sicknesses, discomforts. Still, they can’t force the baby to be born before time, or else it will be premature and might require staying back in the hospital for intensive care. Babies are born naturally within the usual 9 month period.
God will allow you to birth your purpose as well at the appropriate time, and things will flow naturally.

You can’t worry yourself into peace. You can’t be highly anxious about anything happening now. You can’t be hard on yourself for not being productive. Do what you can now… You can’t exhaust your mind, body, spirit/ soul and except to find peace. You have to relax! Rest and trust that God will direct your path. He will lead you into doing what he’s called you to do. You can’t hear his voice clearly in the loudness of your anxiety, but when you are calm, you’ll experience peace, and in harmony, you will be in expectation, you’ll be hopeful, and here, lives patience.

How can you be at ease or peace at a time like this, you wonder? There’s a saying, “man says show me, and ill trust you. God says, trust me, and ill show you”. Well, this is what you do love, you trust God, and he will show you. Make a firm decision to be at peace regardless of what your mind says or how you feel, the uncertainty that might surround you, and expect God to show up. This is you being hopeful and dependent upon God.

God won’t leave your willing soul hanging love.
Wait on the lord, be of good courage, and he will strengthen your heart. Psalm 27:14
Be still and know that I am God. Psalm 46:10
I can do all things THROUGH CHRIST, who gives me strength. Phil 4:13
I can go on and on, but you get the point.

Do what you can for now until God inspires you to do what he wants…

Love Births Acceptance

One of the most significant heartbreaking issues we face today is wanting others to view life/ things the way we do or believe what we believe, and if they don’t, we separate ourselves from them. If they don’t accept what we accept or teach, we put them in a box and label them.

This is causing division among ourselves!

Maybe WE are the ones in the box, holding others hostage in our hearts… walking around heavy while they are free with clear consciences… walking around, loving, forgiving, accepting, healing, and growing.

We are given the greatest commandment, to LOVE each other!

Love comes with respect and acceptance of another even if they don’t walk, talk, or look like us.

Love should be our primary focus, if anything. It takes more energy to judge and criticize another soul.

This season of my life is more about inner healing, sincere love, and paying closer attention to acceptance. I don’t know what yours are, but everyone’s season is different. Listen to your inner voice. What is it telling you to do, change, work on, let go… Zoom in on yourself, love, quiet the outside voices and listen to your inner wisdom. It never steers you wrong. God’s spirit lives within us all, and he’s always talking to us; we need only listen intentionally🙂.

Waiting On God??

When God gives you a word or a promise, hold tightly to it. Write it down if you can! Sometimes these promises take some long waiting; sometimes, the wait is short, and in the waiting, we can get tired, emotions can and WILL get involved, and we might end up walking away.

But God can be trusted to keep his promise and not forget about us. As you wait, concentrate on doing your everyday task staying in his presence. Pick up a new hobby, work on your well-being, finish a project. Do all these with confidence, trust, and peace that God will do what he’s promised to do or give to you.

Majority of the time, I write from experience, which is why I’m always so excited to share!!! Unless I’m sharing a quote, and it’s one that I believe with my heart.

Waiting is HARD and sometimes painful y’all! It is, but God is with us through the waiting! So take a break and cry or vent if you must but get back on that horse and ride it out, loves. The reward is soooooo worth it! And more beautiful, we are drawn closer to God as our trust and faith, and confidence grows in him. I’m getting goosebumps 😆😃🤗

….when you go through rivers of difficulty, you will not drown… Isaiah 43:2

Be still and know that I am God…. 46:10

Rejoice in confident hope. Be patient in trouble and keep on praying. – Rom 12:12

This is literally how I dance 🤗🤣

I Am Me!

I’m that girl who listens to her heart/ inner wisdom when everyone else thinks I’m crazy and says no! Maybe this is faith.
I will walk paths others dread and would rather be careful.
I will stick around when things get crazy, sometimes even draining me before walking away because I believe in changes. I’m also that girl who sometimes gets so overwhelmed and super exhausted, and instead of taking a break sometimes, I walk away emotionful. Then later learn from my mistakes. I vent, I cry, I do throw tantrums from time to time🙈, then run back to God and my position revived, refreshed, and ready again (Jesus is awesome, y’all)

I can be very random at times 🤪. I can be too trusting at times.
I’m that girl who embraces being human and not hides my emotions from God because he can handle them and change what needs changing in me. I’ll never stop growing in his presence.

I’m also that girl who is judged even before one gets to know me—criticized after learning me. I was told I’d never have a good relationship. I’ll never be anything in life. I keep making bad choices after the other, and I’m worthless ☺️.
I struggle a lot like everyone else, I just don’t hide it as I wear my emotions on my sleeve, and I’m okay with it, I love it!!! I will speak up. (crazy because I used to bottle my emotions, now I’m learning to express them tactfully) I crave authenticity and feel stifled/ unbalanced if I can’t be my true self.

I’m that beautifully imperfect girl!

I’m sharing this to encourage someone to be unapologetically YOU! Some will accept you, and some won’t… (Be open to being gentle with and forgiving towards them.) It’s okay, love, accept yourself for whoever you are—your annoying quirks, weaknesses, and strengths. You’ll never stop being beautiful, believe that!!! You are so worthy!!!!!!!!!!!!! 😊🤗🤗

A Bare Soul

Just as any human, I struggle at times to trust God. In fact, during childhood, my trust was broken. God promised me two years ago that he was going to restore my trust.

Some days we are good; other days, I’m honest with myself and him that I don’t fully trust him in certain areas. I find great peace telling him this as ‘he can take my honesty’ without getting emotional and responding from that place. Some days I say it and carry on with my day, not knowing what the outcome will be, but I expect good things from him. And maybe this is a form of trust.
I have peace in telling him exactly how I feel, sugar coating nothing but sharing my raw emotions with my savior, and because he is Love itself, this is what is wrapped around me in my weakest states.

I struggle with anxiety. It used to be depression & anxiety, but he’s healed me from depression of over ten years, last year. With anxiety comes nervousness as I want to please and love him with all of me but the ideal so-called picture I paint and try to live up to, is hard!!! The thing is, I thought I should be perfect, and so I did overtime, trying to be. Whenever or should I make the wrong choice and mess up, I’d beat myself up for extended periods instead of forgiving myself and move forward in our relationship.

I’ve realized that it’s not that deep! The weight on my shoulders, the heavy burdens on my back that prevented me from sleeping well at night all because I was up late wondering if my life pleased him, is a thing of the past. I don’t always live up to the standards taught by men, and this would cause me to isolate myself from him because, in my mind, he’s not pleased with me.

But who told me that? The Bible says the righteous fall seven times, but they get up. I believe they get up because of the love they have for God and his spirit that leads and gives them the strength to get up, brush off and keep going- without the heaviness of guilt and shame. We are human, and life isn’t a destination but a beautiful journey—one with him.

I walk a personal path. It’s God and me; I don’t aim to be perfect; I expect to walk a prosperous path, not a perfect problem-free one, because I am His child. Anxiety gets the best of me some days, but it’s okay because I have already overcome it in the future, I’m just dealing with the process now.
Some days I cry more than I smile. I feel defeated and hopeless. It does not mean I’m alone.

I’m in touch with my emotions and told God from the start, and I will be open and honest with him at all times.

I don’t know where ill be a few years from now, but I’m always excited about what is to come. I know it’s more incredible things.

When my soul is bare, I feel so much better than putting on a front that I’m always okay because I’m NOT! However, I know I will be because I depend wholly on God and his love.
I FEEL a mess some days, but I’m still a beautiful masterpiece in his presence. I’m in love with my uncertain, most times turbulence-filled path, but it’s taking me somewhere. He is taking me somewhere.

My job is to believe and keep renewing my mind with his word. To think of things that uplift my spirit no matter the struggle and focus on what I know to be true!

“When you go through deep waters, I will be with you. When you go through rivers of difficulty, you will not drown. When you walk through the fire of oppression, you will not be burned up; the flames will not consume you.”…. ”you are precious to me. You are honored, and I love you.” -Isaiah 43:2 & 4

“Fix your thoughts on what is true, and honorable, and right, and pure, and lovely, and admirable. Think of things that are excellent and worthy of praise.” -Phil 4:8

Comfort In Each Other.

I found this the other day and can relate. I know someone else can too…..

Sometimes it breaks my heart that we can’t be vulnerable or transparent with each other and, in turn, be understood and accepted. Someone to offer a shoulder to lean on and an ear to listen sincerely. It would really be nice if we can slowly be our authentic selves with others.
Some are blessed with a spouse, friend, or family, but others struggle deeply and suffer silently with things they would like to share.

We all hurt, suffer from or struggle with something or has in the past. There’s no shame in being or knowing someone who has a mental illness.

We shy away from opening up due to being judged, criticized, or being offered unsolicited advice- yeah, sometimes we just want to vent. We know what to do or how to go about making adjustments, we just need the comfort of another in the form of a listening ear, a hug, cry with us if you feel like as we share with you.
But the truth is that most are quick to start a scandal and share our personal business, laugh at our struggles, diagnose us then wonder why people are not being open but choose to be secretive.

Love, we are each other’s safe haven, sisters/brother’s keeper. We can be more emphatic, accepting of, and sensitive to another person’s struggle.

Mental illness (depression and anxiety in all forms) is real and can be healed. Pray for someone, listen to them, comfort them, be patient and gentle in approach. Be kind with your words…. They won’t always be that way.
Gal 6:2 says to bear one another’s burdens.
1 Tim 2:1 says to pray for ALL people, ask God to help them. Intercede on their behalf and be thankful for them.


We can experience love and connection so rare and powerful for/ with each other in a mind-blowing way😊 if only we are open.

Do We Fear People’s Opinion More Than We Think We Do?

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We might truly fear what others think about us more than we think we care more about what God thinks about us. Also, we are judging ourselves and others when we think we aren’t. Hear me out for a few minutes…

A few years ago I found out I was pregnant. I was heart broken! How can I be heartbroken about a blessing? A beautiful experience having a miracle growing inside me? A sweet soul I get to talk to everyday from the minute her ears developed and she could hear. (I assumed it was a girl 🙂 ) The start of motherhood and bonding with my baby anticipating her kicks in response to my voice.

  I was crushed over the decision I had taken and was on my way to fulfilling.

See, I had just hit what felt like rock bottom about 8 months prior, at the same time in a beautiful life altering way. I was in the beginning of my relationship with my Jesus. So, what was the issue then?  A former co-worker was helping me out until I got on my feet enough with a job and could afford my own place. I literally would’ve been starting over. I was staying with him and one thing lead to the next one night and I ended up getting pregnant. Tears flooded my eyes. Not only were we not in a relationship but since childhood I’ve always dreamed of being married before having kids. My biggest concern though, was what will people think? I lived on a small island where everyone practically knew each other. I had just gotten out of a 6 year relationship and wondered what would be said about me, what if my ex saw me. I was struggling, or so I thought…
 And so I decided to have an abortion 2 weeks after finding out. For the entire 2 weeks I cried! I apologized to my baby over and over. I remember the day of the mini surgery I spoke to a lady who I believe was a counselor at the clinic. I told her my biggest concern was being forgiven by God, or so I thought at the time. 

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In reality I was more concerned about the criticism I was going to face being a single mom-he didn’t want to be apart of the pregnancy- and the disappointment in myself for not accomplishing my dream the way I wanted to. I wasn’t married and had a baby on the way. I didn’t turn to Jesus and ask him to help me unload the fears I had. I didn’t tell him I was scared and ask him to give me strength to keep my head up and raise my baby in love not guilt or shame. I didn’t think to ask what he thought about my being pregnant and not married.  I instead made my decision out of fear and shame and asked him to forgive me.

We don’t live in fear of what God thinks about us or fear his judgement more than how we live in fear of what others think. You’re a pastor, teacher, Christian, or someone well known and your child got in some l trouble, what’s the first thought that comes to mind? What will the church thinks? what will my students, clients, neighbors think should they find out? what is this telling you, love, that you focus more about what others think rather than asking God to help you move on from or forward with whatever you’re facing. 

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Today, I think back on 5 years ago. Now, 5 years of experiences, understanding and growth, personally and in my walk with Jesus. Abortion wouldn’t have crossed my mind regardless of how many persons I think may gather stones to throw at me, because my eyes are now on Jesus and knowing and growing in him more. My aim is not to sin or fall into temptation but I am not perfect and my imperfections lead me closer to His feet where I am consistently changing and experiencing amazing rest.  When I mess us, I run to him especially days I realize I might be hiding.

Love, you might not be pregnant but is facing something embarrassing (or so you think) something that could get you in the spotlight of being judged and criticized, but don’t fear what other people might think or say. Don’t let the way you had it all planned out scare you because you/ things took a left turn. God is still with you, he still approves of you. Run to him, talk to him, invite him where you are and share your fears and concerns with him, you’re not alone therefore don’t make decisions as if you are.

 We need to get to a place in our hearts where we learn to really stop judging each other. Not just read about it.  What if its not God who is judging us so harshly but it is really us doing it to each other or ourselves? The first commandment is to love God, the second is to love our neighbors as we love ourselves- Matt 22:37-39. Love doesn’t condemn, its not harsh, it doesn’t bring guilt and shame, it doesn’t bring burden. Love HELPS, it accepts, comforts and say ‘okay, how do we move on from here, how do we keep going forward?’ This is how we would want to be treated. 

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The bible tells us- Romans 14 not to judge what seem right to another person, not to judge someone if they worship on a day totally different from yours or eat some thing you don’t. We are to be understanding and accepting. God will judge and convict us and his convictions leads beautifully to correction. Never once did I feel convicted for being pregnant without being married! I think verse 4 says it beautifully, ” Who are you to condemn someone else’s servants? Their own master will judge whether they stand or fall. And with the Lord’s help, they will stand and receive his approval.” So you see, God will help to make corrections and he will approve of that person- YOU!

I never thought I’d share my story of having an abortion but it showed me how I feared men and things wont always go the way I plan. Whatever happens, God is my help. I am not ashamed of my past, It actually made me stronger and as I type these words, my heart is filled with excitement sharing my experience with you. I also learned that at times we feel judged maybe not by others but it is really us judging ourselves because of certain expectations we place on ourselves.

Meditation– Matt 22:37-39 & Rom 4

REST! Stop Beating Yourself Up So Much!

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We have personally experienced so much of the prodigal son’s story on our journey. Upon realizing, we beat ourselves down without realizing the grace and love that Jesus used to return us back to his arms and a state of mental peace without actually condemning us.
It’s really us overwhelm ourselves with unkind thoughts and words instead of being gentle and patient with ourselves enough to see that we can just run back to Jesus and surrender control to him every singe time we mess up, seventy times seven, and not be in the trouble we think we are in.

I’m currently in a position where I’m depending on God to change a specific situation for me. At times, I allow anxiety and fear brings me to a place where I take control without realizing or intentionally try to take control. At times, I get curious. Should my curiosity lead me to a roadblock or detour, I find that I sometimes worry instead of running to my savior without feeling like I’m in trouble and get hard on myself.

I am learning to be okay with my curiosity because wherever it takes me, God is there as well. Ever since I became open to this thought, it’s been even more wonderful! 

If I ascend up into heaven, thou art there: if I make my bed in hell, behold, thou art there. – Psalm 139:8

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This morning while drinking a bowl of cereal, I’m reminded that I can go to him anytime, whether in the middle, beginning, or end of any situation, and give him total control without beating myself up for waiting too long or fear that he is angry with me because just like the prodigal son’s father, he will welcome me back with open arms and crazy love! Gosh, he loves us so very much!
You see, in the recent past, I would go to him and repent but not without feeling bad- not in a convicted sense- but more of a ”girl, what is wrong with you, why you keep messing up?” and not before isolating myself due to fear that God was angry with me or that he will be. But this only kept me away from him, away from talking with him, away from peace.

He really is a God of love and the more we see him as that and less of a God of wrath we will experience a deeper love and closeness toward him.

My desire is to remind you that you too can run to him no matter how deep you are in your own stuff, without feeling ashamed or condemned. Romans 8:1 reminds us that there are now no condemnation for those who belong to Christ, so throw off whatever is holding you back and might be causing you to isolate and run to our loving God let him wash you in his peace and remove whatever burdens you.

I’ll Wait…


I know you’re coming so I start to wait… I know I’ll receive whatever you promised so I’ll wait. You promised to do a specific thing for me and so I wait… I start off strong , optimistic I start making plans about what we are gonna do, how things will be, how you’ll minister to me, comfort me, provide for me, help me to endure. I think about intimate moments of worship, reading your word and how it’ll melt my heart, thinking about you until I fall asleep, dreaming of walking hand in hand into the unknown, into deepest places where radical faith is the only thing that will be beneath my feet. And when I wake in the morning you will already be there, sitting at my bedside smiling as I pry my eyes open.

I meditate enthusiastically on how this wait will build my trust in you, faith in you. I will be content. I will get to see you move mountains, watch you blow my mind, get me even more excited. You will repair whatever gets broken along the way. When it gets tedious you’ll give me supernatural strength, you’ll hold my hand and walk with me… hey, I’ll get to see the set of footprints the songwriter writes about. I’ll wait Jesus! I say. I’ll wait on you. I love you so much, so I’ll wait on you. No matter the storm, I’ll wait on you. No matter how discouraged I get I’ll wait on you. No matter the distractions, the naysayers, the dream killers, the miracle blockers… oh yes, they will try, but I believe that no weapon formed against me shall prosper.

During the wait, you’ll give me assignments to carry out… you’ll rebuild and restore me, you’ll teach me to love myself and my neighbors, you’ll give me the desire to do what makes my soul restful. You’ll lead me to carry out the plans you have for me.

But it’s been some long, weeks, months, years, decades and I still haven’t seen what you promised, some, of what you promised… I still haven’t seen! I’m getting tired Jesus. I know you’re still here, I know you’re cheering me on, I know I’ll pass these tests, I know I can endure, I know I will see the completion of what you’ve started… it’s already done in the spirit waiting to be manifested in the natural. You gave Elijah food when he laid down to rest, so if I gotta rest too I know you’ll tend to me. When my legs give out from standing too long, I’ll fall to my knees and when I’m tired of kneeling, I’ll lay down. But whatever it takes, I’ll wait on you this time.

So here’s what I have and I’m learning about the wait… the most beautiful thing is that I get to depend completely on Jesus, self-dependence is thrown out. I’m challenged and stretched out of my comfort zone, lovingly being lead to trust in one who will never fail me, who has my best interest at heart, who refreshes me, revives me when I get worn out and encourages me to keep going.
I truly believe it depends on our perspective of how we choose to view the wait. Complain all the way or rest and find the fun in it walking day by day with the one who has already directed our steps.