I suffered depression for over five years, cried myself to sleep many nights, felt sad, tired, and defeated most of the time. Some days it was so hard to get out of bed, go to work or just show up/ exist for the day. Not many understood my pain or would understand even if I explained as not everyone is open to the fact that mental illness is a thing. Also, you have to experience it to truly know what it’s like.
Introverts, as some of you know, enjoy being by themselves. It’s not that we don’t like the company of others. But during this time, I didn’t want to be around anyone- at all!
I even contemplated suicide.
Excitement wasn’t a thing or a word in my vocabulary! It’s almost like a heavy dark cloud followed me around all the time. My body/ shoulders were always tensed, and I viewed most of my emotions in a harmful and unhealthy way, even when they were healthy and okay as a being.
I struggled to find joy and peace. As a lover of nature, being outside helped me but to a small extent and a small amount of time.
I remember crying out to God many times, after forming a relationship with him- that he helped me created- that I was unhappy, drained, heavy, and exhausted 99 percent of the time. I wanted control of my mind back. I needed inner peace, joy, calm, etc. I was tired of being depressed and wanting to give up.
While I was encouraging everyone else through writing (and my blog), praying for, and with everyone else, I was secretly drowning in tears and pain. Still, I depended on him to rescue me even when it seemed nothing was happening. 😢
Last year (as I did the year before) I asked Him for a mindblowing birthday gift (yes, I’m particular and open with him and what I desire, he’s literally the best friend and spiritual father I could ever ask for). It was the week of my birthday; while talking with someone about struggles, with anxiety and depression, I noticed that something was different. I no longer resonated with “depression” it was as if it no longer existed in my life.
I realized then that I had been entirely healed of depression!!! You can imagine my emotion… I cried so hard sitting in the parking lot of my sister’s empty car. I was overwhelmed with many different emotions; shocked, joyful, surprised, and in awe.
My hope, joy, and peace were restored.
Inner healing in other areas had begun.
God is so faithful and wants to help us more than we can imagine and understand.
I called on him when I was in a challenging place. He heard and answered me. Today, though I still struggle with anxiety, I don’t worry because that too shall pass.
Whatever your struggles are, God can and will help you. Cry if you have to, vent when you feel like but don’t dismiss your emotions. They are apart of you! He will come to your rescue. It may take a while but don’t give up. Invite him in your present situations. He initiates a relationship with us, we need only to be open and receptive.
Prayer changes things!
Don’t be ashamed about your struggles love, it might be what someone else is waiting to hear, and know that they aren’t alone.