Do We Fear People’s Opinion More Than We Think We Do?

We might truly fear what others think about us more than we think we care more about what God thinks about us. Also, we are judging ourselves and others when we think we aren’t. Hear me out for a few minutes…

A few years ago I found out I was pregnant. I was heart broken! How can I be heartbroken about a blessing? A beautiful experience having a miracle growing inside me? A sweet soul I get to talk to everyday from the minute her ears developed and she could hear. (I assumed it was a girl 🙂 ) The start of motherhood and bonding with my baby anticipating her kicks in response to my voice.

I was crushed over the decision I had taken and was on my way to fulfilling.

See, I had just hit what felt like rock bottom about 8 months prior, at the same time in a beautiful life altering way. I was in the beginning of my relationship with my Jesus. So, what was the issue then? A former co-worker was helping me out until I got on my feet enough with a job and could afford my own place. I literally would’ve been starting over. I was staying with him and one thing lead to the next one night and I ended up getting pregnant. Tears flooded my eyes. Not only were we not in a relationship but since childhood I’ve always dreamed of being married before having kids. My biggest concern though, was what will people think? I lived on a small island where everyone practically knew each other. I had just gotten out of a 6 year relationship and wondered what would be said about me, what if my ex saw me. I was struggling, or so I thought…
And so I decided to have an abortion 2 weeks after finding out. For the entire 2 weeks I cried! I apologized to my baby over and over. I remember the day of the mini surgery I spoke to a lady who I believe was a counselor at the clinic. I told her my biggest concern was being forgiven by God, or so I thought at the time.

In reality I was more concerned about the criticism I was going to face being a single mom-he didn’t want to be apart of the pregnancy- and the disappointment in myself for not accomplishing my dream the way I wanted to. I wasn’t married and had a baby on the way. I didn’t turn to Jesus and ask him to help me unload the fears I had. I didn’t tell him I was scared and ask him to give me strength to keep my head up and raise my baby in love not guilt or shame. I didn’t think to ask what he thought about my being pregnant and not married. I instead made my decision out of fear and shame and asked him to forgive me.

We don’t live in fear of what God thinks about us or fear his judgement more than how we live in fear of what others think. You’re a pastor, teacher, Christian, or someone well known and your child got in some l trouble, what’s the first thought that comes to mind? What will the church thinks? what will my students, clients, neighbors think should they find out? what is this telling you, love, that you focus more about what others think rather than asking God to help you move on from or forward with whatever you’re facing.

Today, I think back on 5 years ago. Now, 5 years of experiences, understanding and growth, personally and in my walk with Jesus. Abortion wouldn’t have crossed my mind regardless of how many persons I think may gather stones to throw at me, because my eyes are now on Jesus and knowing and growing in him more. My aim is not to sin or fall into temptation but I am not perfect and my imperfections lead me closer to His feet where I am consistently changing and experiencing amazing rest. When I mess us, I run to him especially days I realize I might be hiding.

Love, you might not be pregnant but is facing something embarrassing (or so you think) something that could get you in the spotlight of being judged and criticized, but don’t fear what other people might think or say. Don’t let the way you had it all planned out scare you because you/ things took a left turn. God is still with you, he still approves of you. Run to him, talk to him, invite him where you are and share your fears and concerns with him, you’re not alone therefore don’t make decisions as if you are.

We need to get to a place in our hearts where we learn to really stop judging each other. Not just read about it. What if its not God who is judging us so harshly but it is really us doing it to each other or ourselves? The first commandment is to love God, the second is to love our neighbors as we love ourselves- Matt 22:37-39. Love doesn’t condemn, its not harsh, it doesn’t bring guilt and shame, it doesn’t bring burden. Love HELPS, it accepts, comforts and say ‘okay, how do we move on from here, how do we keep going forward?’ This is how we would want to be treated.

The bible tells us- Romans 14 not to judge what seem right to another person, not to judge someone if they worship on a day totally different from yours or eat some thing you don’t. We are to be understanding and accepting. God will judge and convict us and his convictions leads beautifully to correction. Never once did I feel convicted for being pregnant without being married! I think verse 4 says it beautifully, ” Who are you to condemn someone else’s servants? Their own master will judge whether they stand or fall. And with the Lord’s help, they will stand and receive his approval.” So you see, God will help to make corrections and he will approve of that person- YOU!

I never thought I’d share my story of having an abortion but it showed me how I feared men and things wont always go the way I plan. Whatever happens, God is my help. I am not ashamed of my past, It actually made me stronger and as I type these words, my heart is filled with excitement sharing my experience with you. I also learned that at times we feel judged maybe not by others but it is really us judging ourselves because of certain expectations we place on ourselves.

Meditation– Matt 22:37-39 & Rom 4

REST! Stop Beating Yourself Up So Much!

We have personally experienced so much of the prodigal son’s story on our journey. Upon realizing, we beat ourselves down without realizing the grace and love that Jesus used to return us back to his arms and a state of mental peace without actually condemning us.
It’s really us overwhelm ourselves with unkind thoughts and words instead of being gentle and patient with ourselves enough to see that we can just run back to Jesus and surrender control to him every singe time we mess up, seventy times seven, and not be in the trouble we think we are in.

I’m currently in a position where I’m depending on God to change a specific situation for me. At times, I allow anxiety and fear brings me to a place where I take control without realizing or intentionally try to take control. At times, I get curious. Should my curiosity lead me to a roadblock or detour, I find that I sometimes worry instead of running to my savior without feeling like I’m in trouble and get hard on myself.

I am learning to be okay with my curiosity because wherever it takes me, God is there as well. Ever since I became open to this thought, it’s been even more wonderful!

If I ascend up into heaven, thou art there: if I make my bed in hell, behold, thou art there. – Psalm 139:8

This morning while drinking a bowl of cereal, I’m reminded that I can go to him anytime, whether in the middle, beginning, or end of any situation, and give him total control without beating myself up for waiting too long or fear that he is angry with me because just like the prodigal son’s father, he will welcome me back with open arms and crazy love! Gosh, he loves us so very much!
You see, in the recent past, I would go to him and repent but not without feeling bad- not in a convicted sense- but more of a ”girl, what is wrong with you, why you keep messing up?” and not before isolating myself due to fear that God was angry with me or that he will be. But this only kept me away from him, away from talking with him, away from peace.

He really is a God of love and the more we see him as that and less of a God of wrath we will experience a deeper love and closeness toward him.

My desire is to remind you that you too can run to him no matter how deep you are in your own stuff, without feeling ashamed or condemned. Romans 8:1 reminds us that there are now no condemnation for those who belong to Christ, so throw off whatever is holding you back and might be causing you to isolate and run to our loving God let him wash you in his peace and remove whatever burdens you.

I’ll Wait…

I know you’re coming so I start to wait… I know I’ll receive whatever you promised so I’ll wait. You promised to do a specific thing for me and so I wait… I start off strong , optimistic I start making plans about what we are gonna do, how things will be, how you’ll minister to me, comfort me, provide for me, help me to endure. I think about intimate moments of worship, reading your word and how it’ll melt my heart, thinking about you until I fall asleep, dreaming of walking hand in hand into the unknown, into deepest places where radical faith is the only thing that will be beneath my feet. And when I wake in the morning you will already be there, sitting at my bedside smiling as I pry my eyes open.

I meditate enthusiastically on how this wait will build my trust in you, faith in you. I will be content. I will get to see you move mountains, watch you blow my mind, get me even more excited. You will repair whatever gets broken along the way. When it gets tedious you’ll give me supernatural strength, you’ll hold my hand and walk with me… hey, I’ll get to see the set of footprints the songwriter writes about. I’ll wait Jesus! I say. I’ll wait on you. I love you so much, so I’ll wait on you. No matter the storm, I’ll wait on you. No matter how discouraged I get I’ll wait on you. No matter the distractions, the naysayers, the dream killers, the miracle blockers… oh yes, they will try, but I believe that no weapon formed against me shall prosper.

During the wait, you’ll give me assignments to carry out… you’ll rebuild and restore me, you’ll teach me to love myself and my neighbors, you’ll give me the desire to do what makes my soul restful. You’ll lead me to carry out the plans you have for me.

But it’s been some long, weeks, months, years, decades and I still haven’t seen what you promised, some, of what you promised… I still haven’t seen! I’m getting tired Jesus. I know you’re still here, I know you’re cheering me on, I know I’ll pass these tests, I know I can endure, I know I will see the completion of what you’ve started… it’s already done in the spirit waiting to be manifested in the natural. You gave Elijah food when he laid down to rest, so if I gotta rest too I know you’ll tend to me. When my legs give out from standing too long, I’ll fall to my knees and when I’m tired of kneeling, I’ll lay down. But whatever it takes, I’ll wait on you this time.

So here’s what I have and I’m learning about the wait… the most beautiful thing is that I get to depend completely on Jesus, self-dependence is thrown out. I’m challenged and stretched out of my comfort zone, lovingly being lead to trust in one who will never fail me, who has my best interest at heart, who refreshes me, revives me when I get worn out and encourages me to keep going.
I truly believe it depends on our perspective of how we choose to view the wait. Complain all the way or rest and find the fun in it walking day by day with the one who has already directed our steps.

Love, Your Worth Isn’t Based On Your Productivity…

I used to feel as if I wasn’t worth much to God. Like I only mattered when I did works or didn’t mess up much. I’d be anxious daily, couldn’t sleep peacefully at nights playing over my day in my head wondering if I was enough ’today.’ This weighed me down, literally felt like I was carrying around burdens on my shoulders.

Today I walk in the truth that God loves me before all else; he loves me as his daughter before his witness/ servant, and the rest in knowing this is ’out of this world,’ talk about peace that surpasses what I can understand. My mind is free! I know that my worth isn’t based on how productive I am or how much I’ve accomplished. My character, who I am at heart, what God thinks about me and who he says I am is what matters. My worth is in him! He calls me precious and blessed and that’s exactly what I am!

If you feel anything less than loved by Jesus, it’s a LIE! You are worth more than you can ever imagine!! And if you already know this, let me just remind you to keep walking in this area as I know cares can help us to become exhausted and forget. 💖💖

Be Okay With Your Present…with great expectations that things will change, as they should and when they should.

Sometimes we find ourselves in situations and relationships that are draining, difficult, disappointing, heartbreaking, and causes us to lose ourselves or almost. We know we should let it go, it hurts like crazy, the pressure is on from the ones around us who love us and does want the best for us. Still, it’s so much easier for them to say ”just let it go, it’s done, its over, nothing is left there for you, move on, it’s only hurting you, ” which, is dismissing your feelings…but they aren’t the one with the emotions. They aren’t / weren’t the ones in the relationship/ situation. They aren’t the ones still in love, sad, confused, and maybe deep down, still hoping… It doesn’t mean you don’t know what’s best; it’s just hard to do right now, and it’s okay.

You have to understand and be okay with where you are ’right now.’
Others can’t do that for you. It’s okay to ’KNOW’ what needs to be done but not have enough strength or willpower to act right away. (I know this sounds unorthodox or what society might not support but listen to your inner, majority of the time, it does not agree with society, and it’s so calming) It doesn’t mean you won’t do what’s necessary…. Until then, God is there with you in your pain covering you, protecting your mind as he is healing your heart. (Isaiah 43:2)

My grandmother always says,” it may be long, but not forever.” You’re going to be okay, love. You are okay! You just took a turn that is slowing you down and breaking your focus for a short time. Be patient with yourself. I know it hurts, but don’t rush trying to feel better. And try not to be angry with the ones around you who mostly encourages you to ’cope’ or are trying to fix your current feeling (s). They are just trying to help the best way they know-how. These are not bad advice. However, they force you to bury or push important emotions on the back burner that might later resurface again. It’s better to face and deal with them now.

Here is the thing though, the hardest part is ‘wanting’ to let go. Sometimes, we don’t want to let go because we think we might not find another (like them), it’s just too painful to even think of letting go- the texts, calls, hang out, your thoughts, their appearances, the dates, etc. It’s just too much. Finding another job, how long will it take, the idea of not having one…
But love, when the time is right, you will without much struggle. Say just how you feel to Jesus, be honest and transparent with him.

Mine went along the lines of ”Lord; it’s hard; it hurts… A lot. I know it’s best to walk away, but I don’t have the energy to do so right now, and I’m not even sure I want to. I love him, Lord. I still do. But I’m saying yes to being healed. I want my heart mended. I want to move on from here. I know you can and will help me, so I depend on you despite my feelings.”

Whenever thoughts of him came up, I’d acknowledge them while giving them to the Lord. As days progressed, knowing I might not get a text or call, I’d tell him how I feel and ask him for strength to get through that day… And, if he does reach out, I’d ask God to guard my heart, thoughts, and conversation, should there be any (you decide). Over the next few weeks, slowly, my emotions faded… I didn’t even notice until one day as I scrolled through my phone, I came across his pic, and the pain I once felt wasn’t as impactful!

We’ve all been down this road (countless times) where our hearts had been shattered. For me, the thought of letting go hurt even more than the heartbreak, sometimes. I’d be letting go of us. Thoughts of us, kept me company, but I also couldn’t stand that we were no longer talking.
I learned to pour my heart out, my raw emotions to Jesus as a daughter being completely vulnerable before her father. A father filled with love and compassion. A listening ear ready to soothe and not judge.
I know he could make my emotions fade; I know he could make me want to walk away as if it were my initial desire. I know he could have me back to robust functionality in no time. I know as I healed, though thoughts of that person come up, it wouldn’t hurt as before. I know all I had to do was surrender and let him take over. But I also know it wouldn’t be easy or comfortable to decide.

You’re walking away for good. So, it’s okay to take it slow, but I encourage you to invite Jesus in every moment while you cry or think. Phil 2:13 is one of my best friends during like these… ”For God is working in you, giving you the desire and the power to do what pleases him.” Gosh! He is going to do all the work when we are too tired, hurt, and weak to do what has to be done. I just love how he loves!
Yahweh, you are amazing! Oh, we just adore you so very much! There never has and will never be a love like yours. Thank you for your incredible love and grace. You are a wonder Lord, and we love to gaze upon you, ponder about how good you are! Whew, I had to get that out y’all. He is so good… So so good! And I love him so much!!

Dear ones who love us, we would like you to know that when we share what we are going through, we would love for you to listen with empathy instead of dismissing our feelings by saying ”don’t feel bad, it will be okay, let go and move on…” We want you to be present with us, listen to us, cry with us- just be here, fully.
No, we are not weak; neither do we insist on being in the emotional, mental even physical state we are at the moment and burden you, but this is exactly what is it IN THE MOMENT… A season, an experience that too will pass. And, a lesson that might be in the process that we all can hopefully learn and benefit from.

Serving God

Serving God isn’t just about doing ministry work… In fact, the way we treat people is our first ministry. Are we doing our best to be forgiving? Showing mercy? Having compassion? Accepting the flaws/ differences of one another?
What is the condition of your heart? How are you toward your neighbor, your family members? Yeah, this one stings I know. That one person who minds every body’s business but their own… can I be honest??? How about that one who always criticizes?

Love, this is your first ministry before preaching the word, being a minister, usher, praise dancer, worship leader, musician…. It all starts with the inner…
This is hard! HARD! It’s not easy loving, forgiving or being merciful when someone is unkind, finds fault in everything you do, abuses you mentally and emotionally, disrespects you, is malicious, gossips all the time, is selfish…. It’s hard when you want to retaliate because it hurts so much, but have to cry it out secretly or wait patiently for God to work. Hey, it’s even harder sometimes to pray for their hearts to be softened towards you and asking the Lord to increase your compassion toward them.
It’s never gonna be perfect, but it takes being intentional and slow paces. Some days you’ll be on top of your game, some days you won’t get it right, but at least you’re trying, you know?

The days you find yourself in challenging seasons (my now reality), you’ll need to draw even closer to Jesus, pray more, read, read, read and digest the word! Believe and be content in it, be authentic with yourself and him, and guard your heart… This is also where I believe he is closer to us, hugging on us and encouraging us when we feel alone. I can’t count how often Jesus reassures me with his word when I feel anxious, (it happens). He’s always on time. So it is with confidence I say ”hes got you covered!”

But take care of your heart, monitor very closely your emotions…. It’s okay to be upset, but please don’t let it take you over. Talk to God about it, tell him how you feel and invite him in your emotions to shine light on it.
It’s not what goes into a person that defines him but what comes out of that person….

WritingByGrace

Feeling Misunderstood (mostly)

It’s very okay to not be understood by all or even one person. Learn to be your own company and understand yourself… It’s a beautiful process.
Oh, and this teaches you not to look to others for approval 😉. Sometimes wanting to be understood is secretly wanting others to approve of our existence! As long as you understand and is at peace with whoever you are, it’s all good, love!

Exhausted Recently? Having a ‘Lord, I can’t feel you’ moment? Rest!

Have you been going through a phase where you haven’t been feeling very motivated recently due to feeling exhausted mostly? Not very optimistic or positive, not inspiring or being inspired, feeling low in energy/ spirit, not very content, this minute you’re calm and the next you’re not! You keep crying out, and it seems like our Lord is nowhere insight… You stand on,” I will never leave you not forsake you- Joshua 1:5- with all your heart, but you still feel alone.

Whew, even typing all that was heavy! Loves, I’ve been there, and I can’t say sometimes it doesn’t try to revisit me.
A few months ago, I felt like I was in what seemed to be a never-ending storm. I had just gotten my job, and I found myself saying I can’t even rejoice daily about it. This was my plan before acquiring it, to praise my King due to being overjoyed. But there were inner turmoil! My MIND started racing; a lot of changes began taking place. At home, things went from being me, my mom and step-dad, and enjoying quiet alone time, to having 7 people in the house. I had lost my bedroom and every ounce of privacy I had. I was trying to get an apartment, but things didn’t work out, we were in COVID-19, so all was under stress, I wasn’t praying, reading, or having regular devotions anymore. Y’all I WAS SUPER STRESSED!!!! I love peace, calm, and quiet. I recharge in solitude and wasn’t able to get that anymore. I was challenged, and as a slow processor, it took me some time to embrace the changes and become content where I now was at.

All during trying to cope, I noticed being very sensitive emotionally. I found myself snapping quickly. Where did my peace and patience go? I felt like I had just started settling in inner calm and understanding that order is really an inner thing, and what the Bible says about the peace of God is different from the world’s peace. I cried so much! Almost every other week!

One day God allowed me to see that he has always been there with me. He used my storms to show me that no matter what I can see, he is in control and when I feel like yes this is it, I’m defeated with nowhere to turn; he is my only source. HE is MY GOD!
I started experiencing great inner peace, going to the park wasn’t mostly about reading or praying anymore, I could genuinely enjoy me-time even if I just wanted to sit and stare. In a full house, I had calm, rest, and was able to quiet my thoughts. I had started experiencing a different version of myself; tolerance, understanding, and endurance. I noticed I had balance, something I had been craving! He was here…. I understood that he loves me first as his daughter before his servant. He accepted me as human; it was okay not to have it all together. So many things and areas were changing in the storm! Amazing things were happening in the storm. I went from wanting my own space and to leave so bad, to enjoying my family’s companies and being content. This wasn’t a bother anymore. I began genuinely healing on the inside. It’s funny how you can be totally calm in the midst of chaos. Only Jesus can do this! Looking back over my season, I loved every moment of it. I didn’t know it would turn out to be a lesson, but I’ve learned reliance on God on another level.

We get so hard on ourselves if we, in our human strength, aren’t doing the most. Hasn’t been reading, praying, studying, doing ministry, or being productive. This is exactly what the devil or our own minds use to condemn us making us feel guilty. The Bible says so many times that we shouldn’t rely on our strength.
Not by might not by power but by my spirit- Zech 4:6
The story of the promise he made to Abraham and Sarah tried to bring it to fruition by human hands, using Hagar. – Gal 4:21-31
Not to lean on our own understanding, Look around, are experiencing trauma. The entire world! We are human! Everyone is stressed out! So if we are thrown off what used to be normal for us, maybe God wants us to use this time to take us to another level of trust in him. To not rely on ourselves or works to get us into heaven or stay in his presence. Maybe he wants us to pay more attention to the fact that he is in control, turn to him for everything!
Even if you have a job, rely on me as your source, not your paychecks!
I am the one who will meet you in your devotions and reading and teach or show you how to worship and praise me. Stop relying on your strength. It will fail you.
Maybe he is showing us HOW to be for him! He is for us; therefore, he has to show us how to be for him.

If you’re going through a storm or series of storms right now, stop looking at your storm! Relax! Rest! Make your request known unto Him. What specifically do you want him to do for you to help you with? What are you anxious about?
It’s hard to see God in the deep of troubles, but he promises to be there with us- Isaiah 43:2
I learn even more than I believed before, that no matter how deep in I am and really can’t see or hear him, to not rely on how I feel but to trust like never before that he is right beside me. TRUST, TRUST!!! This faith walk isn’t easy. So many things are in place to trip us up, but keeping our eyes on Jesus and not ourselves is vital guys. What I mean is taking our focus off our troubles, shifting our minds to whatever brings us joy (Phil 4:8-9) by doing this, we are saying,”I leave it in your hands and I trust you, Lord.”

Are you still exhausted? I want you to acknowledge your state and be okay with it because wherever God’s spirit is, we know there is freedom. So if your heaviness hasn’t shifted, beloved, repeat this,” I am OKAY.” Not ’I will be okay,’ but ’I am’ because he is with you NOW! Be confident in knowing it. Romans 8:24-25 ”if we have something, we don’t need to hope for it. But if we look forward to something we don’t yet have, we must wait patiently and confidently.”

Even writing this post, I’m very low in energy, not very motivated even though I’m very passionate about encouraging others, helping to experience inner peace, and have inner rest, especially mentally. But, I know I just need to start writing, and the words will come. Taking my mind off me; I trust My Lord to show up.

Who’s Strength Are YOU Relying On?

Photo by Andrea Piacquadio on Pexels.com

You’re not alone, therefore you don’t have to depend on self- your own strength.

We’ve been taught so much to go out and take care of things ourselves- nothing is wrong with this, except that we aren’t learning much to surrender and depend on God, fully!

About 6 months ago I was told that I would be moving. At the time I had no Job. Before that, I had a job that I left to help my sister babysit my niece. Circumstances changed things, and I ended up not working at all. I know I didn’t want to go back to my old job; it was very demanding, draining and stressful, mentally, and physically. I had little to no time to even take a break to eat. So, I wanted something different.

Hearing the news about the move, pushed me to act a bit faster. I felt myself getting extremely anxious. ”God, where are you? I’m praying but not hearing anything.” anxiety lead me to pick up the phone, reaching out to my old boss, and asking him about a position. After getting off the phone I cried as I knew this wasn’t trust and total dependency on God. I knew that this wasn’t praying and waiting in faith on him to act. So, I repented and asked for him to not let my former boss respond with the position, if it wasn’t his will. I told Jesus that I would wait on him. I know that I wanted something different and I trusted him to send me another job. This was a bold move for me but I embraced this challenge. Everything in me wanted to not go back to that old position no matter how much money I would make. Everything in me had peace that I should continue to follow my heart with what I had desired.

About 5 months later, my Aunt who came to visit, was helping a lady out at her restaurant. One evening she came home and said the lady needed help there.
You guys, the feeling that came over me left me speechless, gazing into space. I sat for a minute in awe. I believed God would show up, but experiencing what I had hoped for, somehow always blows my mind- I love it!!!! Inside I was crying so hard in excitement. ”you answered me, you answered me…omgosh you’re here…” were thoughts and emotions that were going through my mind. I knew the second my aunt spoke to me, that that job was mine. I reached out to the lady and in 3 days she responded giving me my schedule.

I decided to stop stressing, stop being so anxious about a month before getting the job! It wasn’t easy, but if I were going to trust God, anxiety and trust couldn’t be in the same sentence or operating at the same time. One of the meanings for anxiety, according to Merriam- Webster’s Dictionary, is a strong desire sometimes mixed with doubt, fear or uneasiness. Yes, I needed a job but I wasn’t in search of it alone, I had Jesus and I depended on him fully! He presented the opportunity through my aunt and I made the call.

So there’s no way am I telling you to sit still and do nothing. The Bible says faith without works is dead. What I am saying is to not depend on SELF. ”Trust in the lord with all your heart; do not depend on your own understanding. Seek his will in all you do, and he will show you which path to take.” -Prov 3:5-6. God loves when we trust things in his hands, this is a chance for him to show up in mighty ways and blow our minds and hey, a great way to spread good news and to encourage another! It also encourages prayer.
Give your plans to him, tell him what you’re working on, include him in every thing and he will give you best results. You’re not doing life alone! In fact he tells us in Matt 6 not to worry about your life! He will take care of us!
We may have to wait a while, which is the hard part- but boy, does this includes lessons and hidden treasures that adds to our growth and reminds us of his presence with us- the end result is so worth it! It will have you experiencing emotions you never thought existed (smile) and most important, it builds your trust in Jesus!

I really hope my testimony helps someone; it’s always my desire…and I always pray that whatever God does for me, that he doubles it for someone else.

I pray that if someone is waiting in search of a job or waiting on God for an answer, first that He gives you peace in this difficult time. I pray that he will remove every fear from you and your family and give you inner-strength, power, and courage to keep standing bold! I pray Psalm 91 over you! I thank him for covering you under his wings and drenching you in his blood. I thank him for removing your anxiety and giving you rest while you wait on his answer. I thank him that you will have joy while you wait, and you will have surety knowing he is working things out for you. I thank him that you will not worry about your life but be content in whatever situation you’re in. I thank him that your faith and trust will increase and you will be closer to him, in Jesus name!

Hey! Unwind, Detox, and Heal From Your Trauma.

Relax, Unwind, and Detox

Have you recently been through a rough patch, or maybe even not so recent? A trauma you didn’t heal from completely? Whether a divorce, separation from a loved one, health issues or bad relationship experience, abuse (emotionally or physically) or something that was difficult to handle. I want to say to you that it’s okay to take time for yourself, relax, unwind, and do a detox. Get yourself back to a healthy state/ well-being. Some of us run to different things to take our minds off what we’ve just been through in order to avoid the pain due to it being so difficult or just run from facing it period because there’s so much to do from repairing things to starting over but what that does is slowly paralyze us in the very areas we’ve been hurt.
For example, someone you trusted entirely, always sharing your deepest fears or personal information with, betrayed you. You found out, and unfortunately, you now have to keep that person at a distance when it comes to talking with them moving forward. If you don’t face the discomfort heartbreak caused and heal from that crack, it can cause you keep everyone else at a distance, shielding your heart from letting others in. You will, in turn, end up missing out on future healthy friendships.

3 years ago, I met and married a young man I thought I would spend the rest of my life with. 6 months later, we separated, and 4 months after the separation, the divorce he filed for came through. Devastated was an understatement! For the first few months I has a series of headaches. However, though this was traumatic, I didn’t allow myself to slowly walk through the pain, facing every bit of it in order to heal correctly. I pushed myself to focus on other areas; I began to think for God. I thought I should focus on my personal relationship with Jesus as in focusing only on my purpose/ calling. So I religiously hid in God, pushing myself to pay attention mostly to the spiritual aspects of my life. Now, I did grow in these areas, and I did get closer to God, but I was drained. How can one be drained while spending time with our amazing God, right?!

You see, I should’ve dedicated time to relax and allow God to heal and minister to me, instead of busy trying to minister to others. He was no stranger to what I had just been through; he saw me from the very start of the argument with my ex-husband. I thought if I focused on my pain I would be slowing things down and wasting precious time, time I could use to do work for the Lord. Like I said, nothing is wrong with this because we all have a purpose to fulfill, it wasn’t the right time, however. My mind and heart was shattered, my spirit was broken and so I would’ve been ministering from a wounded place. I was empty but I thought I had to keep working (this stemmed from childhood experiences which I will write about in another post) regardless of how I felt (it’s not about how I feel but what I know to do! Oh boy, sometimes we can surely mess this phrase up in ‘Jesus’ name,’ adding unnecessary pressure to ourselves), and this drained me.

So here I was struggling to be restored, my soul wanted to rest in God as He healed me completely. While enjoying life! Writing, dancing, and speaking out would come naturally when he leads. But, my mind was telling me what it thought I should be doing, what seemed logical, and almost every thought was draining!!
If I had allowed myself to slow down, face my pain, heal and unwind, I wouldn’t have gotten myself into a draining and messy acquaintanceship due to wanting comfort and to feel wanted after feeling the rejection from my divorce. I felt unwanted by my ex-husband each time I would reach out and express my feelings and he wouldn’t reciprocate or want to reconcile. I went down a path I could have escaped. This, too, is for another post!

So, it’s okay to take as much time for yourself and heal properly after trauma, no matter how small. Your mind, soul/ spirit and body needs it! You need to heal and allow God to give you fully back to yourself before you give your wounded self to others. You will know when you’re healed enough to continue ministry or whatever else you need your whole self to do. But please, nurture YOU first. Others can wait… And no, this isn’t selfish; this is wisdom!